Bark at it. In case it might run, you should bark at it. Then, if it runs, you could chase it. Anything that smells like this, if it had any sense at all, should run. It may go under a bench or a bush or into a nice flower garden to hide, then you could follow it and if necessary dig it out. The best thing to do, to get something to run, is to stick your butt in the air and bark.

If it won’t run, toss it around a bit. Maybe it’s asleep. It’s a strange creature that won’t run when you toss it around. Two or three times should do the trick. Or not.

So then run around it a few times while barking. You can lie down and roll on your back and bark. That might work.

Try ignoring it for a few seconds. Look the other way. Act nonchalant. But be careful. It could run when you’re not looking.

Snapping at it may work. Snap at it and toss it around. Your brother can run around in circles barking while you snap.

Ok, it’s not going to run. You’ve got it in your mouth and it’s definitely not going to run. So burry it.

Take it to the garden and burry it. Find a patch of lilies just about to bloom, the buds must be ready to pop, especially the expensive kind with the big blooms, not the regular daylilies so common to this region. Find a patch of expensive lilies and dig. It doesn’t have to be a big hole, just a shallow one right at the base of the lilies. Make a hole and shove the pig ear in, then use your nose to cover the shallow grave. That way you’ll be able to smell it later when it might be ready to run. Watch out, because you brother will probably find it. Lie down on the bed of expensive lilies so that your brother will not find the shallow grave.

So he found it and is now running around the yard like an idiot. So what. Act like you don’t care. But it is your pig ear. The woman who lives in the house gave it to you, so you’d better chase him down and grab it. There’s a dog that lives in the house named Jake. He will come out and help if you bark.

Sure enough, Jake is helping. He’s got the pig’s ear, but now he won’t let either you or your brother have it. He seems to know what to do. Eat it. Chew on it until it’s soft and slimy and small enough to swallow. Be careful it might get caught in the roof of your mouth and that’s really annoying. You have to roll around and chomp to dislodge it and sometimes even that doesn’t work. Jake seems to have that problem so the woman who lives in the house will pry his mouth open and pull it out saying something like, “That’s disgusting.”

Well, the pig’s ear is gone. Not to worry. Go to the tack room and find something else. A brush is fun. Or an old fly mask. There’s any number of things in there. If you’re lucky, the woman who lives in the house will come out and give you another pig ear because she’s sick of you dragging stuff from the tack room. Good luck.

[Blue Ridge Jayden and Jasmine are at the farm for the summer. Sign up to follow them over the countryside around Green Spring. Thanks for reading!]